For the first two weeks, I kept asking her what she meant. Was she leaving for good, or was there a chance we could try to fix things? She always answered that she didn’t know. Eventually, I stopped asking. We needed to agree on who would pick up Klárka from school and when Eva would see her. She had to have answers to that.
Together, we told Klárka that her mom would be living in a different apartment and that it wasn’t her fault. Eva picked her up from school every Wednesday, and every other Saturday they spent the day together. She stuck to the schedule. I thought at least we had that settled.
“She said it might not be for long”
About a month later, Klárka came home from her Wednesday visit and started tidying up the shelf next to her bed. She asked if she could leave space there for the books her mom had taken with her.
“If she comes back, she’ll put them here again,” she explained.
I told her she could keep her books there, but that I didn’t know if Mom would come back. Klárka looked at me in surprise. Apparently, Eva had told her that once she sorted things out in her head, she might move back in with us.
I didn’t want to contradict Klárka just because that sentence hurt me. Eva really did say she didn’t know what would happen next. But for an eight-year-old, “maybe I’ll come back” means something different than it does for an adult. After every visit, Klárka started waiting to see if next time her mom would bring a bag with her things.
Once, she asked me if we should leave Eva’s mug in its usual place. Another time, she wanted to know if Mom would go on summer vacation with us. I had to tell her both times that we hadn’t planned that. It was clear she didn’t understand why Mom talked about coming back, but I knew nothing about it.
We Needed to Tell Her What’s True Right Now
When Klárka was at school, I called Eva. I told her what our daughter had been asking me. Eva admitted that she had told her a few times that she might come back. She said she didn’t want Klárka to think she’d never see her at home again.
“But she’s waiting for you to come back next week,” I said. “She’s getting your place ready in her room.”
Eva started crying. She said she didn’t know herself where she’d be in six months. I believed her. But I asked if she planned to move back in with us anytime soon. She said no.
We agreed to tell Klárka together. I didn’t want her to hear it just from me and then wait for her mom to say something different.
On Sunday, Eva sat down with us at the kitchen table. She told Klárka that she wouldn’t be living with us for now and that she shouldn’t have said she’d be back soon if she didn’t know for sure. She reminded her that she’d pick her up from school on Wednesday and that they’d go to the movies together on Saturday.
Klárka was quiet for a while. Then she asked if Mom would go on that summer holiday. Eva said we hadn’t planned one together. Our daughter nodded, got up, and went to her room. That evening, she came out several times to ask about little things she used to discuss with Eva. I couldn’t tell how much she took away from our conversation.
Since then, I don’t tell Eva what she should say to Klárka during visits. But if she promises something, I need to know she really plans to keep it. Klárka still sometimes asks if Mom will come back. We tell her what we know today: Eva lives somewhere else, she’ll come on Wednesday, and the two of us are staying here.
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